i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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