so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
