I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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