its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This baby is an asshole
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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