LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
