she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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