RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
