After last night, I could never be a politician.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize