You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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