I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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