So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
