no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
