We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
