Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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