just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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