You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
