Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
