Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
