im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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