Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
