Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
