i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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