it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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