the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Houston, we have a blender
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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