well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize