just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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