i can't believe i had my finger in that
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
