normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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