just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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