wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
