There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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