Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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