I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
