So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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