Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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