Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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