If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize