He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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