I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
