So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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