Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
