I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
40s are totally the cure
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
