i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
