my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
