He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
