So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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