so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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