this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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