You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
