smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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