Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
