our cab driver is having phone sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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