I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
