I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
