Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he fucked my hip out of place.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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