The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
