How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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