i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
