Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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