How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i have two assholes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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