I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
