Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
