At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
