I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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