Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
