dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
