He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
