i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
