I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
