I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
