is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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