The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
