Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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