I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
