i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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