i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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